Mr. M taught me about losing today. He told me that he doesn't want to date me supposedly because he has been burned by dating someone in the office before. Now I have heard a couple of versions of his previous dating history. One straight from Mr. M and some from others. I am completely convinced of two things. One - he really got screwed by the girl from his last relationship. Finding out that she is sleeping with every guy in the office is not flattering to Mr. M's ego I am sure. Two - that is just an excuse not to tell me the real reason he doesn't want to give it a try. Now granted I didn't profess my undying love to the man. Nor did I tell him any of the things I would normally say to "win" his affections. He came to me and told me he was under the impression that I wanted a romantic relationship with him. I told him he wasn't far off from the truth. And he told me no because of the previous girl he dated in the office. I hate this but I have to accept it. It's not my fault he chose to date someone of whom I think was a completely bad choice in the first place. Yet, I am stuck with the fact that he was burned and now I am living the consequences. Maybe if he had just told me that I was annoying or something. I don't know maybe it would have been better. It just rubbed me the wrong way I guess. Kind of like I was being judged for something that I didn't even have a part of. Although he did tell me that I am a "nice girl" which means to most women that there is something wrong with you but I just don't want to say it.
Am I making too much of a big deal out of this? I am his friend first. I would like to think that he would be honest with me. I mean I am pretty open about things. It's not like he has to lie to me or anything. So if he was being competely honest and sincere then what happens now? Do we pretend that this conversation never occurred? Do we act as though we did before? I do feel as though a burden has been lifted. I am glad he is no longer in the dark. I didn't like the feeling of keeping something from him. He knows now and he can't go back. We can only go forward now...wherever that leads.
The funniest part is that I am sitting here after our call feeling elated at the fact that I got to talk to him. I am such an idiot. I guess matters of the heart makes us do crazy things. I know that no matter what this won't change what I think of him. He is still wonderful in my eyes. He always will be. I just wish we could have spent some time together. I really just want to talk to him. I am bursting at the seems sometimes to talk to him. Even though usually he makes me so silly that I can barely speak. I think we could have fun together. Maybe romantic, maybe not. Like I said I can't predict the future. I could totally like him now and spend some time around him and find out he likes U2. I would have to seriously wonder about him then. LOL In the end, he has made a decision and I have to accept it. I don't have to like it but I do respect it. I hope that we become better friends and are able to talk to each other on a level outside of bean counting. He still has the most amazing gaze that I have ever encountered...and that goes a long way. More to come soon...
Don't be a Lemming!
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Mysterious Mr. M (Part II)
My poor Mr M. just got shocking news that his closest friends are all fake. I feel bad for him because he really took it hard. I wonder if his feeling of rejection is because he has this success complex in his personality or if it's because he truly harbors feelings deep down for one of the people involved. He is so hard to read at times. He says he's not mysterious but that is just wrong. He is amazing and if he would open his eyes he might find he is not as in the dark as he thinks he is.
We went to coffee today and I have to say it was hard not to just focus intently upon him. The whole time I am thinking "don't make an ass out of yourself" so I tried to talk to him and keep the conversation going. It went better than it usually does. Perhaps things are on the upswing.
In any case, it put me in an awkward position. Do I get in the middle of something that I have no place being in the middle of? Which is kind of what it sounded like he wanted me to do. Or do I be his friend and just let him deal with it on his own with the information I have given him? I think the second and so that is how I have proceeded. It kills me because I care about him and I know that this will change his behavior, attitude, etc. He is so great the way he is. Why does everyone think he needs to change to something to make him more like them....a lemming?
He acted like I didn't stand up for him. What he doesn't realize is I fight for him all the time. In fact, so much so that it hurts my image and makes me look bad. Not that I give a s*** but it does affect me. So for him to act like I have done him some diservice upsets me a little. I am the one making an ass out of myself for him. I am the one that has a freakin blog all about him. Not that anyone knows that or has read it. Still, it should show him I have some loyalty.
The truth is, I need to tell him. I need to tell him about the blog. About my feeling for him. About it all. I need this weight off of my shoulders. It feels like I am carrying around a secret or a lie and keeping it from him. I think if I was just honest about it all then he could see everything and then we could just talk. I don't think for one second that he will be like "yes I am definitely interested in you and I want to date you" but at least we could be close friends. I mean we have shared what I would call some secrets in respect to people talking smack etc. It does make me a little sad that he thinks he is too good for me. He hasn't told me this because we haven't talked about it, but I feel it from him. In some ways I think that he needs someone like me. Someone supportive to cheer on his success complex he has going on. Someone to be sweet to him and show him his greatest qualities that he doesn't see. Someone who is going to be honest with him and tell him the stuff that no one else seems to want to say because they are too scared to. I could go on for hours.
I guess we will just have to wait to see what happens. I can't predict the future. All I know is if the lemmings get him there is no turning back. Hopefully this doesn't cause him to shut me out.
Mr. M stay away from the lemmings!!
We went to coffee today and I have to say it was hard not to just focus intently upon him. The whole time I am thinking "don't make an ass out of yourself" so I tried to talk to him and keep the conversation going. It went better than it usually does. Perhaps things are on the upswing.
In any case, it put me in an awkward position. Do I get in the middle of something that I have no place being in the middle of? Which is kind of what it sounded like he wanted me to do. Or do I be his friend and just let him deal with it on his own with the information I have given him? I think the second and so that is how I have proceeded. It kills me because I care about him and I know that this will change his behavior, attitude, etc. He is so great the way he is. Why does everyone think he needs to change to something to make him more like them....a lemming?
He acted like I didn't stand up for him. What he doesn't realize is I fight for him all the time. In fact, so much so that it hurts my image and makes me look bad. Not that I give a s*** but it does affect me. So for him to act like I have done him some diservice upsets me a little. I am the one making an ass out of myself for him. I am the one that has a freakin blog all about him. Not that anyone knows that or has read it. Still, it should show him I have some loyalty.
The truth is, I need to tell him. I need to tell him about the blog. About my feeling for him. About it all. I need this weight off of my shoulders. It feels like I am carrying around a secret or a lie and keeping it from him. I think if I was just honest about it all then he could see everything and then we could just talk. I don't think for one second that he will be like "yes I am definitely interested in you and I want to date you" but at least we could be close friends. I mean we have shared what I would call some secrets in respect to people talking smack etc. It does make me a little sad that he thinks he is too good for me. He hasn't told me this because we haven't talked about it, but I feel it from him. In some ways I think that he needs someone like me. Someone supportive to cheer on his success complex he has going on. Someone to be sweet to him and show him his greatest qualities that he doesn't see. Someone who is going to be honest with him and tell him the stuff that no one else seems to want to say because they are too scared to. I could go on for hours.
I guess we will just have to wait to see what happens. I can't predict the future. All I know is if the lemmings get him there is no turning back. Hopefully this doesn't cause him to shut me out.
Mr. M stay away from the lemmings!!
Friday, February 1, 2008
Mysterious Mr. M
My mysterious Mr. M is very captivating. Some may think I am crazy, but who cares what they think. Mr. M is a man that appears to be mysterious and that makes him very sexy. Sometimes we follow each other with our eyes and I wonder what he is thinking across the room from me. I know he probably thinks that I have no social skills because he says things to me and sometimes I am at a loss for words. Not because I am stupid but because he is so quick that I am often left speechless until after he has already sailed past me. Other times when I am quick enough to fire back, it almost feels like I haven't said enough in a way.
Yet, I always have a smile on my face whenever he is around. It's like instant happiness. My own little drug of choice I guess you could say. I try to say things that will make him think or that of course brings out the gorgeous smile he has. It is very breathtaking to see him show joy on his face. You can feel the warm of his smile. It is infectious. No matter how hard I try it is hard not to notice him when he is around. And he is around often.
Alas, I am a cynic. And as cynics often do, they doubt themselves. I doubt a lot of things. Probably more than I should. And in most cases I would doubt things big time here. However, something about him makes me hopeful. Maybe it is his best qualities that shine through for me to see. Maybe it is the fact that I find him incredibly mysterious and sexy. Or maybe it is just the fact that I don't want to be cynical in this case. After all, if we don't have hope what do we have? Even if he turns out to be a toad at least I got a glimmer of something wonderful right?
Don't Be A Lemming!
Yet, I always have a smile on my face whenever he is around. It's like instant happiness. My own little drug of choice I guess you could say. I try to say things that will make him think or that of course brings out the gorgeous smile he has. It is very breathtaking to see him show joy on his face. You can feel the warm of his smile. It is infectious. No matter how hard I try it is hard not to notice him when he is around. And he is around often.
Alas, I am a cynic. And as cynics often do, they doubt themselves. I doubt a lot of things. Probably more than I should. And in most cases I would doubt things big time here. However, something about him makes me hopeful. Maybe it is his best qualities that shine through for me to see. Maybe it is the fact that I find him incredibly mysterious and sexy. Or maybe it is just the fact that I don't want to be cynical in this case. After all, if we don't have hope what do we have? Even if he turns out to be a toad at least I got a glimmer of something wonderful right?
Don't Be A Lemming!
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