Mr. M (Part III) - Losing

Mr. M taught me about losing today. He told me that he doesn't want to date me supposedly because he has been burned by dating someone in the office before. Now I have heard a couple of versions of his previous dating history. One straight from Mr. M and some from others. I am completely convinced of two things. One - he really got screwed by the girl from his last relationship. Finding out that she is sleeping with every guy in the office is not flattering to Mr. M's ego I am sure. Two - that is just an excuse not to tell me the real reason he doesn't want to give it a try. Now granted I didn't profess my undying love to the man. Nor did I tell him any of the things I would normally say to "win" his affections. He came to me and told me he was under the impression that I wanted a romantic relationship with him. I told him he wasn't far off from the truth. And he told me no because of the previous girl he dated in the office. I hate this but I have to accept it. It's not my fault he chose to date someone of whom I think was a completely bad choice in the first place. Yet, I am stuck with the fact that he was burned and now I am living the consequences. Maybe if he had just told me that I was annoying or something. I don't know maybe it would have been better. It just rubbed me the wrong way I guess. Kind of like I was being judged for something that I didn't even have a part of. Although he did tell me that I am a "nice girl" which means to most women that there is something wrong with you but I just don't want to say it.

Am I making too much of a big deal out of this? I am his friend first. I would like to think that he would be honest with me. I mean I am pretty open about things. It's not like he has to lie to me or anything. So if he was being competely honest and sincere then what happens now? Do we pretend that this conversation never occurred? Do we act as though we did before? I do feel as though a burden has been lifted. I am glad he is no longer in the dark. I didn't like the feeling of keeping something from him. He knows now and he can't go back. We can only go forward now...wherever that leads.

The funniest part is that I am sitting here after our call feeling elated at the fact that I got to talk to him. I am such an idiot. I guess matters of the heart makes us do crazy things. I know that no matter what this won't change what I think of him. He is still wonderful in my eyes. He always will be. I just wish we could have spent some time together. I really just want to talk to him. I am bursting at the seems sometimes to talk to him. Even though usually he makes me so silly that I can barely speak. I think we could have fun together. Maybe romantic, maybe not. Like I said I can't predict the future. I could totally like him now and spend some time around him and find out he likes U2. I would have to seriously wonder about him then. LOL In the end, he has made a decision and I have to accept it. I don't have to like it but I do respect it. I hope that we become better friends and are able to talk to each other on a level outside of bean counting. He still has the most amazing gaze that I have ever encountered...and that goes a long way. More to come soon...

Don't be a Lemming!