Death Wish

Why is it that we as humans spread ourselves so thin to the point of not being able to do anything more? Do we derive pleasure out of torturing ourselves and making ourselves feel like a huge disappointment when we can't come through on things that we have promised to do?

I often ask these questions as I see myself committing more and more. At work, at home, in my love life, etc. I just can't seem to say no to anyone or anything. Especially at the risk of making someone angry or hurting someone else. I would rather kill myself trying to deliver than to see that happen. So I figure I must have a death wish. With all the stress that I end up carrying around that is exactly what I am asking for.

Disappointment comes with almost everything in life. Although some would argue that there is always a silver lining if you choose to see it. I believe in a little of both. I think that if you want to see a silver lining you must see the dark side as well. I know that I tend to live on the darker side of life at times but I think that this helps me stay more grounded than most. Now don't think for one minute that I don't let myself float high into the clouds at times (see my last post) but I just don't stay up there too long.

As for promises, I think that you should never promise anything that you can't keep. Otherwise, you seem weak in the eyes of others. Now I really don't care what other people think for the most part but I don't want to disappoint those that are close to me. Where I struggle I find is dealing with promises with my boss. He wants me to constantly promise things and I find that hard. I don't want to disappoint him but I feel so far away from him sometimes that it makes it very hard to want to promise things to him because inevitably he lords it over me at some point.

In fact, I hate when people do this to others. They take something and then hold it over someones head. Such as in a relationship when someone says, "I will call you tomorrow." Then when tomorrow comes and that person doesn't call, the other person gets unusually upset and makes this huge deal about it. It is so lame. It's like there is no allowance for human error or mistakes. We are so accusatory as a human race. We like to judge and throw stones sometimes for the pure joy of it. I suppose that is why I am so forgiving in nature. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt until I have reason not to. One person recently said to me that I am the most caring , giving, and understanding person that they know. I am truly a selfless human being and they feel honored to know me. That is a great compliment and I am just glad that I can emanate this so that others can see it.

As always....Don't be a lemming!